FUNNY QUOTES(FOR WHATSPP,DP,GROUPS,STATUS) IN ENGLISH
Some Things You Just Can't Explain
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."
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To absent brothers
an irishman walks into a bar in dublin, orders three pints of guinness and sits inside the lower back of the room, consuming a sip out of every one in flip. while he completed all three, he comes returned to the bar and orders three greater. the bartender says to him, 'you know, a pint goes flat when I draw it; it would flavor higher if you bought one at a time.' the irishman replies, 'nicely, you notice, i've two brothers. one is in the usa, the alternative in australia, and i am here in dublin. while we all left home, we promised that we might drink this manner to don't forget the days all of us drank collectively. 'the bartender admits that that is a nice custom, and leaves it there. the irishman will become a normal in the bar and usually beverages the equal manner: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by way of taking drinks from every of them in flip. someday, he is available in and orders pints. all the other regulars within the bar note and fall silent. while he comes lower back to the bar for the second one round, the bartender says, 'i don't want to intrude in your grief, but i wanted to provide my condolences for your excellent loss.' the irishman seems pressured for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'oh, no, ' he says, 'everyone is fine. i've just cease ingesting!
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A person, an ostrich, and a cat
a person walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits on the bar. the bartender walks over to them and says, "what can i am getting for you?"
the man says "i'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "i will have a lager", and the cat says, "i will have half a beer and i'm not shopping for." so the bartender says, "ok, with a view to be $three.87."
the man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact exchange and will pay him. about an hour later the bartender is going returned over to them and says, "what'll you guys have?"
the man says, "i will have a beer", the ostrich says, "i will have a lager", and the cat says "i'll have 1/2 a beer and i am now not buying." the bartender gets them their beer and says "that'll be $three.87."
the man reaches into his pocket and brings out the precise change and pays him. more than one days later they arrive returned into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "what do you guys want these days?"
the man says, "i'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "i will have a bourbon", and the cat says, "i'll have half a beer and i am not shopping for." so the bartender says "good enough, with a view to be $7.53." the man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.
the bartender's interest were given the first-class of him and he asks, "why is it that on every occasion i tell you the amount you owe you constantly have the exact trade in you pocket?"
the person said, "i discovered a bottle with a genie in it and she or he granted me three wishes. my first desire turned into that i constantly have the exact trade in my pocket for whatever i buy."
the bartender says, "it truly is a extraordinary wish...better than soliciting for one million dollars. one million dollars will run out but that by no means will. what had been your other 2 desires?"
the person says, "this is wherein i screwed up. i requested for a chick with long legs and a good pussy."
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Monkey
a guy walks into a bar together with his puppy monkey. he orders a drink and even as he is consuming, the monkey jumps all over the place. the monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. then jumps onto the pool desk, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to all and sundry's amazement, in some way swallows it whole.
the bartender screams at the fellow "did you see what your monkey simply did?"
the guy says "no, what?" "he simply ate the cue ball off my pool desk-complete!"
"yeah, that does not marvel me," responded the man. "he eats the whole lot in sight, the little bastard. sorry. i will pay for the cue ball and stuff." he finishes his drink, will pay his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
two weeks later he is in the bar once more, and has his monkey with him. he orders a drink and the monkey begins running around the bar again. at the same time as the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. he grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. the bartender is disgusted.
"did you spot what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"no, what?" replies the man. "well, he caught a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" stated the bartender.
"yeah, that doesn't marvel me," spoke back the man. " he nevertheless eats everything in sight, but ever considering that he swallowed that cue ball, he measures the whole lot first..."
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